Want to know how I really found love? Hint: it had to do with my sensitivity…✨
I can pinpoint the exact moment I decided to embrace my sensitivity – and the fact that I wanted my future partner to be sensitive as well.
There I was, in my healer's office, sharing vulnerably about my history with trauma, my childhood struggles with my dad's anger, and the men I had dated who I felt were too harsh in some way – controlling, irritable and defensive, or dismissive of my Bohemian spiritual beliefs.
“I just want to be with a man who is gentle,” I declared.
“Well, that sounds like a good way to not be in your power,” my healer answered.
Her words landed with a thud. For a moment, I questioned myself – was I wrong to want what I wanted?
Until I asked myself later: “What if she's wrong?”
What if I was actually stepping into my power by loving the heck out of my sensitivity, and honoring the fact that I desired a partner who matched that aspect of my soul?
I didn't have the vocabulary for it at that time in my life, but now I know that I am actually a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) who is now happily coupled up with a fellow HSP. ✨
All those years I said that I was seeking someone gentle, spiritual, devoted to personal growth, with a rich inner life, I didn't know that I was speaking code for high sensitivity, a trait that 20% of the population has.
Perhaps you have it too, dear one. 🩷 If so, it is innate in you – it's genetic, biological, and wired into your nervous system. Also, it's your superpower. You need to know that, because mainstream culture may shame you for it (“you're too sensitive,” “Why so quiet?,” “you’re overreacting”…Sound familiar?).
So often, sensitivity is misunderstood for shyness, introversion, even self-absorption. We are seen as “less than” the types who lead with bravado and bask in the spotlight.
But high sensitivity actually means that you are deeply in touch with your emotions and the emotions of others, and that your inner life is rich and vivid.
Did you know that highly sensitive people (HSPs) are some of the most creative, intuitive, and spiritually attuned people out there? We make great leaders, for these reasons. 💪
We also make fantastic partners because of our natural inclination for empathy and emotional responsiveness. 🩷
Yes, we can easily be overstimulated by our environments. We can also be overwhelmed by our inner worlds, since we do a lot of deep emotional processing. 💝
But we are not wrong for this. We are simply being ourselves – the lovable, precious, and sensitive souls that we are. ✨
It’s true that highly sensitive people face particular challenges in navigating a world laden with so much sensory stimulation.
And let’s face it, the dating world has a lot of that. It can be extremely overwhelming – especially if you're sensitive.
Here are some things you might struggle with if you are sensitive and dating:
Dating apps (Ack!! Talk about sensory overload…)
Blaming yourself for every little thing that goes “wrong” with dating
Long periods of inactivity because you simply don't know where to start. It all feels like too much.
Being such an amazing listener that the other person on the date forgets to ask about you…
A pattern of being drawn to unavailable partners (depending on your attachment style)
Here's the fantastic news, sweethearts. You also have some powerful *gifts* to wield in the dating world precisely because you are sensitive…
And when you put them into practice, they can lead you straight to love! ❤️
🎧 Listen to this conversation I recently had with Lisa Lewis, a licensed therapist and host of the Am I Okay? podcast. Lisa and I go deep on how to optimize your gifts of sensitivity in the dating world.
In this interview, called Dating While Sensitive: How to Find Love when the Dating World Overwhelms You, you will discover:
Powerful guided practices for healing your love wounds & connecting with the energy of your future partner (these are practices I don't have anywhere on Insight Timer!)
The mindset shifts you need to make so you don't make “everything about you” while dating
How to release an old story/core belief that is keeping you stuck
How to get clear on whether you want to attract in a fellow HSP or a non-HSP
How to take action steps in the real world toward love without overwhelming your nervous system
(ALL of these tips will guide you masterfully through the dating world, whether or not you identify as highly sensitive!)
Anyone can have an epic love story, dear one, no matter your degree of sensitivity.
From one sensitive type to another: you got this! 💪
Listen 🎧 today on the Am I Okay? podcast.
I can't wait to hear your thoughts on my Dating While Sensitive interview! Post a comment and tell me your takeaways! 🔥
PS …I opened this article with an anecdote about a healer who misread me when I told her I was seeking a gentle partner. That woman, Laura Fine, would soon become a bright light in my life, one of my wisest mentors who helped me heal from the inside out, and trained me to become the somatic counselor and energy worker that I am today.
That initial moment of misunderstanding pales in comparison to the wealth of knowledge and insight I gained from her over the years. This one's for you, Laura! 🙏
Since you crossed over in January, I have felt your absence in my life nearly every single day. Thank you always. 💕
And to my readers: if you want to learn more about Laura's legacy, please visit the online energy healing and counseling school that Laura's business partner, Kimberly Ward, still operates, TEHtherapy.com
Christina McMahon is a love coach and certified somatic counselor. Over the past six years, she has helped hundreds of conscious singles remove inner barriers to love and step into the love life they desire and deserve. Schedule your free consult call with Celeste, Christina’s Client Care Specialist and discover if love coaching is the right path to your Big Love.
