Super-Charge your Soulmate Wishlist…ready to name and claim what you want with love?
When I was looking for a University job many years ago, I got an interview at a University in the Midwest. After I didn’t hear back from them, I wrote to someone in the department to inquire about my status.
She told me it was a “failed search,” which means that the department didn’t make a job offer to anyone they interviewed. She said, “We realized we didn’t know what we were looking for, so we couldn’t identify it when we saw it.”
Have you had a bunch of “failed searches” in your dating life? I know I did.😟
Here’s the deal: you already know what you want with love, my dear. It’s just a matter of tuning in on the inside, then getting it all down on paper (and in your psyche and your heart), so you can align your love life with your highest vision for love.❤️💕
No more “casting a wide net,” or “dating is a numbers game.” That’s how you burn out from dating.
Ready to name and claim what you want with love? (And reduce the “failed searches?”) Let’s get into how to get clear!
Identify Your Core Values
One of the most insightful talks I ever heard on “getting clear” was by relationship and female empowerment coach Claire Zammit. She said that you can have common interests and chemistry with lots of people, so those are not reliable indicators of soulmate compatibility. What’s more important is sharing core values. She explained that she and her husband, Craig, hardly ever fight because they share the same values relating to spirituality, finances, etc.
Claire’s talk prompted me to go deep. What did I mean when I said I was “spiritual” and that I wanted that in a partner? I went beyond adjectives to get to the core of my values.
Here are some examples from my own process:
Spiritual = self-aware; committed to personal evolution 😇
Love of Travel = inspired and stimulated by new experiences ✈️
Living Passionately = following one’s bliss; actively pursuing one’s life purpose ❤️🔥
This also helped me to understand my priorities. For example, I learned that I prized “pursuing life purpose” above earning a high salary. One man I dated was extremely well-off: when I was with him I enjoyed luxurious getaways, fine dining, and upscale hotels.
To me, those things are great if they’re the offshoot of pursuing a meaningful, happy career. But it seemed to me that status and material possessions were his goals, and his work was merely a means to that end. And that just didn’t sit well with me.
Can you identify your top five core values? Start with adjectives, then dig deeper. For example, if “financially stable,” “socially progressive,” or “family-oriented” are on your list, what do those terms mean to you in a larger sense?
Write out your core values and a short description of them. That way, you’ll equip yourself to “know it when you see it” as you step into the dating world.
And make those uncompromising: This is what you want in a partner, no matter what. The smaller details may be negotiable, but from your core values list, you’ll know at the character level and the soul level exactly who your sacred partner is.
Make your Soulmate Wish List 🪄
Okay, it’s time to make your master list and submit it to the Universe!
A word of caution: this is not a “checklist” you’ll be ticking off in your minds when you’re on dates with people. It’s simply a declaration of what is in your heart at this moment. The trick is to honor what you need while remaining open to being surprised. After all, the Universe might have some insider info about what you really need (even if you don’t know it at this moment).
The best gauge of all is how good you feel when you’re around someone – in your heart, in your mind, in your body, and in your energetic and emotional fields. When you meet your sacred partner, you may be surprised at how some of your criteria just melt away.
That being said, when Darrin and I compared our lists with each other (the ones we wrote before we met), I could easily see myself in his and vice versa. Mine included: “does hilarious impressions.” I’d forgotten I wrote that, but Darrin is an amazing mimic!
Here are some guidelines: 👇
Put everything in the positive. It’s the only language the Universe speaks. For example, “not allergic to cats” translates to “feels perfectly healthy around cats.” One tricky one I had was “does not have roommates.” I translated that to: “lived alone before I met him, or part-time with his children.”
Start with your five core values. These were mine: 1) comfortable talking about his inner life; 2) committed to personal evolution; 3) listens with his whole being; 4) candidly expresses his belief about what’s best for us; 5) leads with his heart.
Note: I firmly believe that the Universe will never ask you to compromise on your core values. If you know for sure that these are your top five, you will get them no matter what! Resolve to only date people who share those values.
Include the following things somewhere on your list:
“Available and commitment-ready” (because it doesn’t matter how compatible you are if the person doesn’t want what you want in the long term)
HOT to you! (Kathryn Alice says that your soulmate will be the hottest person you ever dated – it’s one of the clues to who they are); 🔥
Your true equal (in terms of intellect, personal power, emotional IQ, and spiritual evolution. Your soulmate will not be identical to you, of course, but they will be able to meet you where you are). 👨❤️💋👨
Emotionally safe (in my Opening to Sacred Love program, I talk about the importance of being vulnerable in relationships. But before that, there must be trust. Can this person handle it/hold it when you are vulnerable?)
3. Distinguish between “must-haves” and “maybe’s.” What are your deal-breakers, and what can you live comfortably with?
Once again, be open to being surprised! I thought the roommate thing would be a deal-breaker for me, but here’s the thing: when I met him, Darrin had roommates. As it turned out, it was no big deal at all and even turned out to be a good thing for us. (I explain more about that in my online program).
Have fun with your list! What are the things you’ve always dreamed of? Be your own fairy godmother and grant them to yourself! Get as specific and extensive as you like – while also remaining open to different possibilities and configurations if the Universe has something better in mind for you.
Remember the golden rule: commit to your core values, and surrender to the details.
You got this, love! ❤️
Now that you’re committing to clarity on love, you are ready to start dating in a targeted way for your unique sacred partner.
I’ll talk about that in my next blog and mailing in two weeks!
First, let me know your biggest challenges with dating! What do you think has led to some of your “failed searches?” I’d love to hear about it in the comments below!
Christina McMahon is a love coach and certified somatic counselor. Over the past seven years, she has helped hundreds of conscious singles remove inner barriers to love and step into the love life they desire and deserve. Schedule your free consult call with Celeste, Christina’s Client Care Specialist and discover if love coaching is the right path to your Big Love.
